Louis J. Maher, Jr.

Have you ever been at an airport or a restaurant or at a stoplight in your car, and everyone but you was talking on a cell phone? At such a time you certainly need a phone; even a faux phone will do.

Figure 1. Template for printing a FO-FONE. This figure is merely for illustration; a detailed, high-resolution template is available by using the hot-link just below. NOTE: the 1/4-inch slits on both sides of the end tabs are VERY important for the proper functioning of the FO-FONE.

Click here to download a detailed FO-FONE template.

Figure 2. Insert the high-resolution FO-FONE template into your wordprocessor, size it, and print it on a cardboard sheet cut from an old manilla folder. Cut out the FO-FONE neatly, and carefully bend the various tabs over a sharp table edge. Flatten the cardboard, and glue the designated edges together with white glue to form a "box." Press the flattened FO-FONE box under a heavy book until the glue dries. Meanwhile, find a black ballpoint pen and a clean piece of facial tissue. The pen will serve as the "antenna" of your FO-FONE, and the tissue will keep it in place so that it does not rattle around. Carry the flattened FO-FONE, the pen, and the tissue with you in your briefcase or jacket pocket until you feel the need to assemble it.

Figure 3. To assemble your FO-FONE, fold in the the top tabs, and then insert the pen "antenna" in from the bottom as is shown in the figure. Insert the tissue to keep the pen in place with its top just flush with the bottom of the FO-FONE. Fold in the bottom tab, and your FO-FONE is ready to work.

Figure 4. Finished FO-FONE. Talk loudly. Use it wisely; do NOT assemble the FO-FONE while operating a motor vehicle.

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Copyright © 2001 Louis J. Maher, Jr.