KETTLE MORAINE SONG

lyrics by Howard Hobbs (Minnesota Geological Survey)

Oh, my name is truthful Jimmy and I live at Kettle Moraine.

I am not up to small deceit or academic games.

I will tell in simple language what I know about the scene

that broke up our society about the Pleistocene.

Oh, now nothing could be finer or more beautiful to see

than the meetings and the field trips of that same society,

'til Clayton of Wisconsin and Moran of western plains

wrote a paper on the dating of the tills and their moraines.

Oh, they waved their arms and shouted as they reconstructed there

the tale of Late Wisconsinan, which was extremely rare.

T'was based upon the finest dates from the very best of trees

and ignored the snails and gytta, the pollen and the bees.

Then Hook of Minnesota, he said that's very nice

but it doesn't fit the model that I have about the ice.

Without computer programs and measurements galore

you'll never tell the story, you'll never know the score.

Then the Sage of Indiana, the Dean of Dirt did speak

he said "I find your arguments are shallow, vain and weak,

but it proves what I've been saying as any fool can see

you don't need pollen pluckers to know the history".

Then Arano of Texas raised a point of order when

a chunk of old gray Kansan caught him in the abdomen

T'was tossed to him by Baker to prove it was reversed,

though not the final knockout it proved to be the first.

Then Charlie Matsch did tremble, his eyes began to glaze

from the impact of a dropstone from the red Superior clays.

Then next the till commandos with their shovels joined the parade

I shutter to remember all the violence that day.

For in less time than I tell it every member did engage

in warfare with the remnants of the recent glacial age.

The only one who stood aloof was old Professor Wright

who said "Its very complex" and then he said "goodnight."

Now that is all I have to say of these improper games.

My name is truthful Jimmy and I live at Kettle Moraine.

I've told in simple language what I know about the scene

that broke up our society about the Pleistocene.